Forever & Always

2012-02-07T00:22:00.011+08:00

Chingay 2012

signed up for Chingay 2012 together with Suhaira, hoping for the best for our future since it's related to the course we're taking now.

am glad i actually took part in this event even though i only had to ensure that the group report safely and on time either for the opening or the finale. yes, the job scope of the role seems pretty easy but it's rather challenging especially if the group members refuse to listen to the instructions given by you and they love taking their own sweet time.

nonetheless, i learn to appreciate the arts more with the existence of this event as it manages to open up my view of the different cultures in the world.

and thank you, Suhaira for tolerating me throughout the 3 days (:

2012-02-03T15:31:00.006+08:00

A guy once told me 'the same type of people hang out together'

Well, I think he only said that to make me feel better. This is because I compared myself with my other close girlfriends, whom all happened to be very pretty. Get my point? I definitely do not agree with his phrase.

I used to think like that too, until he said that same phrase to me. The thought of being pretty or am pretty have never cross my mind. In other words, I do not feel like I am pretty. Simple reason, whenever I am out with my other girl friends, guys would naturally look at them, approach them, talk to them, or if the guys know me, they'd approach me for the girls personal details. So how can those signals ever make me feel like I'm actually one of them?

I'm beginning to sound like as if I'm jealous or petty or desperate, but I'm just typing my thoughts down. Like I mentioned in my previous post, really have no one to confide too. And I'm pretty sure I am not the only girl who thinks this way. Plus, not everyone will actually be there for you and I don't wish to burden them with my pointless thoughts.

But seriously, guys who'd say 'I don't go for looks' should just shut their mouth cos obviously the only reason that attracts the guy to the girl is their looks. Well, vice versa. Except that girls tend to fall for their close friend (someone they're comfortable with) and afterwards, do not care about how the guys look like. Whereas for guys, looks still matter to them even though they're falling for their ugly close friend, just to keep up to their so called 'reputation' that was built among his other friends.

Life? Yea, definitely something to ponder about.

2012-02-01T23:43:00.002+08:00

It's very depressing (well i can't seem to find a better word to express my feelings) when majority of your close friends are all happily attached and seem to be moving on with life, while you're here still searching for your source of happiness. Or let's just say, a partner.

It sucks when you want to confide in someone but then realized, you have no one to turn to. Well yea, you have your family members and all, but some things are just not meant to be shared with them. Then, while you're alone in a corner, telling yourself it's going to be fine, you came upon pages of your friends updating their facebook status, path updates and tweeting about how happy their life is. That sense of jealousy can't be helped but to think that perhaps, it's time for you to look around too.

No, i am not trying to say i am in a need of having a partner or desperately searching for one, but what i meant is sometimes, you gotta agree, you need to have that someone just like everybody else to keep your day going, so that you have that energy to carve a smile on your face no matter how upset you are.

but then again, that's how life rolls. it's pretty unfair, all you got to do, is just wait for the perfect timing for all the perfect scenario to take place.

2012-01-17T00:16:00.003+08:00

so guess what happened to the girl you all thought will never go out alone?

well, she changed. yes i am serious.

i learn quite a number of life lesson last year and i'm putting them in place this year. one of it is to be able to go anywhere alone (yes, by myself) and i am really so proud of myself for doing that today (:

2012-01-14T01:08:00.002+08:00

2012.

a brand new year, a brand new me?

well, i guess that's what everyone will say to themselves every year. they'll change for the better, but at the end of the year, only minority of them fulfilled their new year resolutions. it's a little too late for me to state down mine and also talk about it. but in general, i really hope i'll change my attitude in terms of going school more frequently and also not coming into class.

and i'm pretty psyched on what this year is going to bring to me! because well, i finally move on (yes, after 2 years or so?) from something i know will never ever happen. however, i'm pretty glad i can smile like how i used to just like back then with someone's presence ^^

let's all just hope for the best (:

2011-09-11T20:16:00.003+08:00

Resilient Camp

apparently, this camp is compulsory and i had no other choice but to attend it. was so reluctant to pack my beg and drag myself up early in the morning, just to go for camp. however, i did not regret doing all those things as camp turned out to be better than what i expected.

well, this coming from me is rare because i really hate camps (:

basically we did 3 main activities which were the TCM (tunnel cave maze, i think), water rafting and trekking (from mandai zoo to chestnut ave, bukit panjang area). and apart from those activities, we had to sleep in the tent! i've always loved the idea of sleeping in a tent, which is rather contradicting as i hate camps.

the TCM activity is the best! we had to find our way out in pitch dark condition and was only given a lightstick (which is considered lucky as the guys weren't given any!) it was also the best cos i had the wonderful group of girls (erikka, sabrina and suhaira) who wanted to pretend to be daredevils at first (as we didn't want to use the lightstick, but in the end, we used it). all of us were so kecoh in there and thanks to that, the camp definitely started off with a good start!

the next activity which we had to build a raft and ensure that it'll float and not "break". if it doesn't fit any of the criteria, we're not allowed to take part in the activity which is a sad thing cos our raft "break" even though it's able to float!

well, like any other similar kind of resilient camps, we had to make our own dinner! it was rather a challenging task for me because in my whole entire life, i've never cook a meal before (apart from maggie mee and the food in CBTL!) thank god for classmates who were able to cook and the last few portion chef rabz cooked were delicious!

last but not least, the trekking! started off pretty badly with all of us tolerating the heat and also the begs we're carrying. we're asked to carry everything that we brought to the camp during the trekking. so imagine that! but it wasn't that bad actually. after lunch, everyone got their energy back and we managed to finish the trekking activity 15 minutes earlier!

well, that's about it. could have taken pictures but electronic devices were confiscated!

2011-09-07T04:43:00.002+08:00

turned eighteen few weeks back and i'm glad i spent my 18th birthday with the ladies (aini, hanna and melia) + the primary school closefriends (hamdan and ying)

turning eighteen somehow made me think on what i want to achieve in life. honestly, the countless conversations i had with different people about my future, still doesn't make me feel more confident about what i want to achieve in life.

sometimes, i wonder why i am even in this line. the line of events management. i cannot see myself in the future, planning something for people. and this is partly because i have such a low tolerance level. i'll prolly hurl any words that comes into my mind first and start panicking. another reason is because, nothing is ever perfect to me even if it seems perfect in others eyes. so what if one day, all these points turn to be a failing points of being a project manager?

i've always hoped to be in the music industry but i know now, i'm not good enough for it. this is due to the lack of knowledge i have in it. yea sure, why not pick up the knowledge for it then? well, i'm scared. what if people think differently of me then? what if people that i know, believes that i can't make it and i, eventually prove them right?

i'm full of excuses and i'm sick of it.

2011-08-23T01:08:00.002+08:00

sometimes, i wish i can gather all the emotions deep within me and form them into words that others might understand. right now, at this very moment, mixed emotions, signalling myself that everything's going to be over soon and i, am not ready to face the truth.

2011-07-07T15:20:00.001+08:00

i'm gonna work harder, i promise.

2011-07-05T00:02:00.002+08:00

at the age of 13, i told myself i can never trust anyone.

that feeling of once believing in the person you respect and trust the most can easily be ruined if the relationship is on the edge of "hating each other"

you seem disappointed whenever i did things that i shouldn't do especially if it concerns my future, but did you know and realized, you've done far much worse things than me? at least my mistakes are forgivable and understandable, what's your reason. what's your reason for all the things you've done? you managed to get away with your sins with that silver tongue of yours, whereas i am being judged by the way i react whenever i am being blamed for something light and get screamed at with full of anger and vulgarities.

if you've noticed the change in me, good. cos it's meant for you to realize on how much your behavior affects me. i can't bring myself to forgive you, i kept this feeling inside far too long. i'm at the stage of rebelling and if you really hate it, i am also at the stage of not caring about whether i'll jeopardize my own future. i'm daring enough to run away and only come back when you're gone (like out of my life) a person like you, don't deserve my respect nor attention.

i'm one stubborn girl, i learn from the best, you. hate is a strong word. and yes, i'm gonna use it on you. dear you, i'm beginning to learn on how i should hate you for more reasons. don't give me any other reasons of going away cos for now, it's too much for me to handle.

2011-07-02T01:43:00.003+08:00

seeing that result doesn't seem to please me at all. i know, i know....

nasi da jadi bubur. kan?

no point talking about it. it cannot be undone. right?

i think this is by far the most disappointing result i've received in my whole life in RP. it's all because of my own complacent attitude. i feel that for this semester, i'm slacking too much. which is an irony, really. because i rarely meet up with my friends for random outings, i rarely go home late, i'm always home early (like super early, 5pm) and i rarely work?

ok maybe not. i think i'm always working which pretty much sucks. i can't really say no to my managers cos i'll feel bad. so i secretly wish and pray that they understand my situation, but again and again, i was proven wrong. so this time, i'm really taking that step to just ignore work and just study study study.

apart from that, the rate of me skipping school and coming late for class is increasing. that's rather disappointing right?

well, i have 6 weeks to change into a new leaf. i can do it. wait no, i MUST do it.

i must maintain my GPA, i MUST. i must not repeat the same mistake and get that same disgusting grade that i've never get in my whole entire life in RP. it disgusts me, big time.

pray for me ya'll!

2011-06-01T17:28:00.000+08:00

gotta meet people that appreciates me more than meeting people that brings me down.

life is just .........

2011-05-05T00:06:00.003+08:00

i am amazed that after all these years, i still have that little feeling for you. i thought i was finally over you when i took the courage of re-adding you back into my life. but i am glad that it's not accepted (maybe it's the website or maybe you just don't want me anymore in your life) i am really disappointed with myself as i am not able to get over you given the long period of time after everything happened. i guess i must have really like you alot. well, no doubt about that. you were like the only exception i had that time. i guess it's also thanks to you i shut all the other guys who tried getting to know me (not like there's alot, but still...) it's because i thought maybe there's still a glimpse of hope and after few years, i finally realized i was deceiving myself by thinking i'll have that second chance. you move on (obviously) and i should too. but i guess, mine will take a longer time than yours. like how this tiny little feelings will eventually fade in the future.

2011-03-25T00:32:00.009+08:00

i would love to rewind back the time and be really happy.

apart from that, i want myself to look like that too :((

2011-02-17T22:32:00.000+08:00

oh who am i kidding.

i really don't exist.

goodbye.

2011-01-21T20:05:00.002+08:00

i'd trade my current state of life with anyone just to gain happiness.

all i want is to be able to rely/depend on any of my family members or able to talk to them without having someone screaming at my ears or comparing me with some other person.

):

2010-12-13T12:02:00.003+08:00

today i am a happy girl.

i bumped into SS in school (yes, in school)
before today, i was having doubts on whether he's in RP and finally, i bumped into him face-to-face when we're at south (:

i was so happy at that point of time and even wanted to go to him and said "aren't you from starbucks?" obviously i didn't because firstly, i didn't dare. secondly, i look so horrible today (so not myself) and lastly, he was with his friends and he saw me literally stare at him when i turned at saw him :O

oh wells, i really am a happy girl today. that tiny happiness when you bumped into your crush (Y)

2010-12-01T20:06:00.002+08:00

I want a guy best friend.

Someone who will hug me tight when I'm down.

Someone who will beat up the guys who've hurt me.

Someone who knows every single details about me.

Someone who'll make me laugh till I cry.

Someone who I can be myself with.

Someone who won't cause so much drama.

Someone who I'll eventually fall in love with.

And someone who'll eventually love me back.

2010-11-29T14:32:00.002+08:00

i guess to everyone who thinks they're able to read me well, you're wrong.
hanging out with me for a few days is not equal to know how i work/speak/meant my words.

i can be very mean, bitchy and sarcastic, i admit.
but when it involves friends that i trust/depend on, i've never mean anything that i said to hurt them.

2010-11-25T22:36:00.001+08:00

Here I am, sitting down one corner, hoping you’d realize on how much I want to know your name. Oh screw starbucks for not having nametag. And stop smiling at guys please, girls are born for a reason you know (:

2010-10-15T10:01:00.002+08:00

i got nothing else to hope for, period.

the question for today was "what is your dream?"
honestly, i've never even give a thought about what my dreams are. the last time was when i was in primary school and then i believe i cannot make it and thus, i chose to give it up. yes, i'm sorry but i do give up easily especially when people look down on me.

and yes, thanks to everyone who's actually pretending to be my friends. i don't even know how i should feel right now. happy? sad? angry? well, i just got to figure it out myself.

goodbye, for now.

2010-10-08T01:24:00.006+08:00

since i got addicted to twitter.com, i guess this site is really redundant. but since most of the memories are here, i guess to stop blogging is a sin (well, to me)

how's raya for you? for me, it's the busiest raya so far. went out five times with different groups of people and even if some of the groups are not full, i had fun equally :)

apart from the raya visiting, i also managed to keep up with my work life, small-mini-impromptu-meetup sessions with some of the friends and also attending band practices more frequently now.

BN (only 1/3 of the people)

TPS (well, some had O's)

BNBand (my first ever raya with them)

RP (rin's missing)

CBTL (nad and mardi missing)

well yes, the last raya was with the CBTL people and i enjoyed it the most because it's really rare for us to go out as a group (escape from work for one day, i mean)

oh yes (this might not work but i hope it does)

RPWS is having a concert on 6 November at RP's TRCC. tickets are selling at $10 each.
please do come because i'm in love with the songs :)

2010-10-01T23:27:00.000+08:00

get over it will ya?

2010-09-24T03:49:00.002+08:00

everytime you appear right in front of me, i tried my best to smile at you like how i used to. however, i realized that it's tough to do so because no matter how much i told myself that it's really pointless to be mad at you, it's really not that easy. i could tell you anything, rant about how my day went, talk to you for hours and text you endlessly. i don't call it love because like i've said, i'm really too young to experience it, but it's just a huge infatuation that i've been holding onto despite knowing it will never happen. it's almost 2 years now, i should really learn how to let go.

2010-09-19T03:46:00.003+08:00

been blog-hopping and realised many of my friends are in love.

well, the last time i had the "butterflies in my tummy" and "heart-racing situation" moment was urm let me see the last time i met him? which was years back.

i got to admit that declaring to my good friends that perhaps i have feelings for this certain someone doesn't change a thing on how i felt towards mdbb. i guess, i just need more time to get over him. and even if it takes few more years, i don't mind trying because thanks to him i close my hearts to the others. and yes, i've had enough heart-breaking situation, i don't need another one.

2010-09-12T05:44:00.002+08:00

(a little late to say this)

Selamat Hari Raya. Maaf Zahir & Batin.

as a human being, everyone make mistakes. so forgive and forget even if it's tough to do so. afterall, this month is all about forgiving someone's mistake that he/she has done to you and then build back the relationship you've built with him/her. true?

to all those whom i've hurt in any ways, be it giving you the sarcastic remarks, rolling my eyes at you unnecessarily, venting my anger at you when you obviously don't deserve it and many more. and this also goes out to my non-muslims friends.

life is short, live it. forgive the past and move on yea?

yang tulus ikhlas,maimunah :)

(so sorry for the mix language, my malay is really horrible now)

2010-09-05T15:42:00.001+08:00

if you didn't lead me on, i wouldn't have fall for you deeper.

2010-09-01T03:20:00.003+08:00

as i compare myself with the other year ones horn player in RPWS, i felt shameful on how lousy i can be. yes i got to admit that i used to be so proud that i was in band since primary one but my mindset changes as soon as i step into RPWS.

why is that so? it's simple.

people took less than a year to master sight-reading and playing the horn so well while i'm still struggling. back then in primary school, i got to admit that i didn't really bother that much to learn all the difficult rhythm because horns part were ridiculously simple. and as for sight-reading, the conductor always taught us to write notes in order for us to have a better understanding.

and when i entered BNSB, nothing changes. i took my own sweet time getting use playing the french horn and didn't take things seriously again. only now, i started clapping slowly and solving my own rhythms because i have no one to rely on. yes, that's how pathetic i am.

yes, big deal i am in OMSY. big deal, seriously.
first thing, it's called youth for a reason. and second thing, french horn doesn't have that much chim parts for malay music. even if they do, i have abang azmi to cover my sound.

i used to think i was the best (yes, that's how proud i was) but like i said, my mindset changes once im in RPWS. i got to say that i changed alot eversince i step into this school, ALOT.

i've never been so serious in improving my horn playing before. and yes, i think it's time.

so if you see me one corner not reading my books but practicing the horn, you know what to do (:

2010-08-31T03:24:00.002+08:00

all i ever wanted was a surprise that i never expect to happen.
and you're a part of it.

trust me, it's rather disappointing that shit happens on the day you get older :(

2010-08-27T00:46:00.005+08:00

the first ever YOG journey has ended.

i'll definitely miss doing my duty bringing the teams to their respective venues and carrying the ice. yes, as much as i get irritated by the fact that i'll get so tired, i think this is truly once in a lifetime experience. how many of you can actually take awesome pictures with the awesome players? ^^

on my very last duty, the singapore hockey team managers to score 6 goals in total! people were like cheering like some mad people and after the match, eventhough Chile seems down, they still have that sportsmanship (Y)

with team singapore

with some of the chile players ^^

this guy is one gorgeous player ^^

well yea, that's the YOG journey for me.

and yes, i'm seventeen now :DD

2010-08-22T23:41:00.005+08:00

work has been horrible for the past two days due to the other commitments i have.

it's not fun when you reach home past midnight everyday and need to wake up early in the morning the next day just to attend work. yes, that day is today :(

broke down at work when ah hui called me. my guess was right, i had to do a full shift. i wouldn't mind doing a full shift if i had no other activities but i think it's just way too much for me to handle. i had YOG and work, both are super tiring. and i didn't break down once but more than once, in the toilet and also the "kitchen"

well yes, thanks to you all of us felt super tired and helpless.

i even broke a cup and drop 8ounce of coffee :(((

not to mention, the attitude given to ah hui and dar :(((

the hectic week is finally over, another 3 more days till my first break from everything.

oh and yes, i don't want YOG to end please.

team singapore hockey coach and physiotherapist ^^

some chille guy that i find adorable. but the other one is still adorable ^^

2010-08-20T00:57:00.003+08:00

i miss having that one person in my life whom i can talk to about almost anything.

come back to me, please.

2010-08-17T01:19:00.011+08:00

when?

when was the last time you see me smiling widely or laughing loudly with my friends or even being crazy alone not caring about what others might think about what I'm doing?

this year, i lose track of life and also lose track of what i'm actually like.

i got to admit that i'm all about getting PMSY almost everytime and i also got to admit that i was even worst last time compared to this year but at the same time, all the happiness that i'm feeling right now is just a facade. it's like as if i am putting on a mask covering the real expression i want to show to everyone.

i'm disappointed with myself for not being able to be myself with the people i'm with. i'm just controlling the real me and thus, i'm not being myself.

Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be. Because sooner or later, if you are posing, you will forget the pose and then, where are you?
- Fanny Brice

true, look at where i am now.

i'm nowhere near being myself.

2010-08-17T00:20:00.001+08:00

they come and go as and when they like.
someone should tell them that it hurts so much to watch them leave :(

2010-08-16T01:14:00.002+08:00

how do i do this? how do i put my emotions into words that can't be expressed? how do i bring myself to put my ego one side and let everything go? how do i forgive and forget one mistake? it seems so easy for others to forgive and forget whereas it's the other way for me.

how? how do i even expressed the feelings that's stored within me? how do i tell you stuffs that i long to tell you? what do i do when i meet you after everything is over? am i suppose to break down on the spot, smile or just look away? tell me which you prefer so it'll be easier for me. because right now, the only thing i seem to do is just avoiding and trust me, it's not helping at all. i really wish i can tell you and the whole world on how much you mean to me. i wish that whenever i see you i can give you huge welcome hug back because yes, you play a big part in my life.

do i put aside the memories we shared and pretend like as if nothing happened? and thus, the thing we had is now over? :(

2010-08-15T01:03:00.002+08:00

life's been tough :(

even though i'm having holidays now, it doesn't seem like one. work, YOG and band. it's taking too much of my time tat i can't even have an off day till like 25th august?

oh and let this year be a happy one please. i don't wanna spend a day with brother at the NTUC searching for ice-cream again.

2010-08-12T00:21:00.003+08:00

did i mention i miss him being my bestfriend?
did i mention i miss him calling me every night asking how was my day?
did i mention i miss him calling me whenever he knows i'm walking home alone?
did i mention i miss him buying me sweet stuffs just so that i can be happy?
did i mention i miss someone i can talk to for really long hours and not caring what i say because he knows i'm just saying from my heart and not from my head?

well, i do miss that guy :(

2010-08-09T22:53:00.002+08:00

i don't see the reason on why everything i say or do is something worth relating it to you.

today, i was dumbfounded. i was so happy that i found out my source of happiness is fake. i don't get it, why pretend, when i am not? :(

2010-08-03T13:16:00.002+08:00

day 4 : your siblings (closest relative)

i have 2 elder brother 4 years and 8 years older respectively. and i got to admit that i am not close to either one of them due to the differences in our behavior and also our beliefs (hobby and etc) but if i were to choose among both them, i think my second brother will be the one who's much more closer to me.

the reason is simple, this is because i can talk to him about almost anything and i can also vent out my anger freely when i'm angry towards anything. apart from that, he's also the one i always go to school with back then in primary school. and he's also the reason why i wanted Temasek Primary instead of Eunos Primary and also why i join the band in both Temasek Primary and OMSY.

apart from him influencing me in music, i got to admit he was there for me when i was having the darkest period of time (yea, like when i was in secondary 3) he'll also bring me out to eat and watch movie with his friends. yes, like i said i can talk to him about anything (like when i skip school and etc) *smiles widely*

oh yes, remember the time when he came down when i hit my head against the wall and he thought there was a fight going on? that was just so sweet of him even though that time he's not always home ):

though i might dislike him for always getting on my nerves, he's still the brother that will ensure i have smooth life (somesort like that)

my first brother obviously plays a part in my life especially after last year raya. i like whenever he fetches me from work or send me to school ((:

2010-07-30T23:46:00.003+08:00

for the past few days, i must say that i was pretending to be happy all the time. today, i had no other choice but to let the tears flow down the cheeks. and yes, it did, in public. i was trying so hard to hide my face away from everyone else but i failed of course.

to shafa and nora, ya'll the best. you know how much i love you girls (Y)

and to whom it may concern, just so you know, you're contradicting your own words.

2010-07-29T13:17:00.002+08:00

3. your parents

though i might complain lotsa times on how much i dislike my mother, i know deep down i love her. yes, i do like every other child and this is because on how she has sacrifice for me. i must admit that my relationship with her has been bad since the say i entered secondary school but it really takes time to build a good relationship back with her. i love her for always providing me with money whenever i am short of cash, picking/sending me to work, allowing me to be home quite late these days and learning how to trust me when i tell her stuffs. i can see that she's changing into a better person, and thus, i really hope we can build up a good relationship (Y)

as for my dad, it's his nature to send me to school eversince i'm in kindergarten. and thus, up till now he still do send me to school. well, not all the way to RP but to the enuos bus stop (which really helpes me because i can sleep longer) and eventhough i know sometimes he don't want to cos he's too tired, he'll still get out of the bed just to send me to school. and yes, i dislike him for always thinking i'm always out with guys only ):

2010-07-27T12:18:00.006+08:00

SIBF was last sunday. RP managed to sustain it's silver (Y)

when the results was announced, i swear it was awkward because i was sitting with the Philyouth people instead of the RPWS members and i wasn't sure whether i should scream and shout. but fidah and CY definitely screamed for me (Y)

the next day (Monday) we had exchange with the Hongkong Festival Band. feeling nervous plus excited about it as they were the top band. since we had to buy a gift for them, the horn section went to art bites and came in band 45minutes late. and guess what? we're supposed to wear black top, jeans and covered shoes but i wore brown shirt, three-quarters and slippers. geeee, i wasn't informed ):

oh wells, i did have fun during the exchange and the HK people are really friendly and nice. the only awkward thing was they talked about their favorite horn player and i went "HEHHH?" i don't think i have any and i got to admit, i don't think i know of one :DD

2010-07-25T22:06:00.003+08:00

2. your crush

i got to admit that i tend to get over excited whenever i see some cute guys that passes by me but i also got to admit that even though i squeak at every sight of cute guys, there's only one guy that really caught my attention. i have to say that he's not the best i ever laid my eyes on but what makes him being himself just made me fall for him. those teeny weeny little things that he ever did for me and those conversations that we had which was super awkward at first but turned out fine really makes me feel special though i know it's pretty normal for him to do that to other girls. if i have the guts, i'll definitely go up to you one day and express what i'm feeling right now but yes, i said it to everyone, i know where i stand, i know what's my position.

watching him from far is better than losing the friendship we built (Y)

2010-07-24T23:35:00.002+08:00

1. the bestfriend(s)

it's hard to imagine what's life going to be like for me without these people in my life. i mean, it's easy for someone to read me like a book if they know the way i act but it's really tough to find someone who understands my character very well. without these special people, i bet life's gonna be a whole lot tougher that it is right now.

dear min, though we plan many things ahead of us just to be together but failed, i know our friendship is as strong as the metal which can not be broken. those little fights and silent moment we had in primary school simply made our friendship stronger. i really appreciate your guidance during the O's period and also for being so patient whenever i shout at you over the simplest issue. you understand how i work my emotions out and i really appreciate you for tolerating my moody behavior those days. though we plan to be in the same poly and same course, we both know we have our differences in our interest. hopefully, this doesn't tear us apart because you know i treasure our friendship more than anything else (:

dear teo, we've not met for years and you know what? you're still the bestfriend i can crap the most with. those silly moments we shared together back then in primary school is something money cannot buy. the long hours talking on the phone with you back then really cures my boredom and of course, talking about my crushes (especially when we're in primary five) to you was the best period of time we shared as you're the only one i confided to. you're like the sister to me whom i can confide and talk to amytime i want, thus i love you (:

dear shafa and tiara, though tiara might not be in the same school as us and also not knowing what's going on in my life, i want you girls to know that no matter what, both of you are equally important to me. you do know that without both of you, i'd never be where i am today (moving on with life and accepting every fact that some guy just wasn't meant to be mine) though we tend to bitch about each other whenever we're pissed with one another, we know at the end of the day, we'll tell each other the truth and forgive one another. you know i don't forgive people that easily but yes, you're the exception. love you girls (:

dear hemelia, i don't know whether i'm being treated as one of your goodfriend or bestfriend or whatever they name it, but all i know is that you're really someone i can rely on. we've gone through so much together eversince secondary one (yes, from the time i hated you so much) till now. though we might not meet that frequently as i'm always busy when you're free, i know that you're always 8numbers away, a facebook wall/message away or even a tweet away! thank you for actually knowing me too well that i'm so predictable in your eyes. you know i'm really sorry for giving you cold shoulders last year (especially during O's period) and maybe rolling my eyes? hehh, loves!

dear kenneth, it's been long, very long indeed since i last had a proper conversation with you. i know that our relationship has been bad since 2004 due to some words i said but i just want you to know that i really appreciate the time you spent on me. those times we spent talking on the phone and not forgetting when you helped me when i hit my head against the wall. even though i've not had the chance to tell you how much you mean to me, i think that even though it's been almost 6 years since we ever had a proper conversation and i still think about the happy memories we shared, you're really a great guy friend (perhaps that explains why i shouted your name when i hit my head against the wall)

dear dacy, 2006 was the best year for me because you're in it. it's a pity our friendship didn't last long due to some reasons (which i still don't know) i want you to know that you made life a whole lot easier for me as you're always there when i needed someone and you understands me so well eventhough we just got to know each other. i can probably cry right now if i list down all the memories we shared as you really made a huge impact in my life. i miss those calls i received from you whenever you know i'm alone (like walking home from the bus-stop, just ended my band or even when i cannot sleep at night) i miss the times we actually went to the movies together and i got ice-cream all the time. though you might not notice, i felt really happy when you finally forgive me after 2 years of not contacting with each other. we might not be as close as before, but you're still the bestfriend i can never imagine anyone would replace.

yes, these people changes me, the way i live and also the way i think/act. though we might not be as close as we were back then, i know if one day i really need that someone, they'd definitely be the first one (Y)

2010-07-24T23:23:00.000+08:00

The Thirty Day Writing Challenge

Day 1 - You best friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 - Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

2010-07-24T00:53:00.018+08:00

and so, it was formal day for W45J and some other classes near us since we're having communication. everyone was so excited about it and pictures were taken almost everywhere you go! and to make things better, it seems like we're slacking today since we did the proposal in week 11.

since we had free time, jill and i went around W4 and E2 to do a survey. yes all levels, yes we asked every classes, and yes, in our heels. so imagine that. in total there were about 2000 students? so who says RP students don't do their work now?

formal presentation was also good. i love my team as they're so awesomely good and confident. the only thing i hate about just now was when faci said i read from the slides when i actually memorized my parts pretty well. i was just looking at the screen for a key point )):

after formal, went down to yishun with shafa and ate at 18chefs. since we wanted calamari, we ordered cheese fries and chicken wings too (excluding the pasta set which comes with ice-cream!) since only amount above 10bucks can be paid using nets. and in the end, the food were gone to waste )):

headed down to RP back for band. the heels were like killing me and so mindy brought me her slippers from home (Y) afterward met fidah at AMK to have dinner (and gives her back her mute) and every moment with her is enjoyable as there's so much to talk about.

conclusion for the day is, i'm so exhausted and i'm working full shift tomorrow when i have SIBF on sunday )):

2010-07-19T22:11:00.002+08:00

if i can.....

i need someone like....

hemelia in my class.

the one who's able to read me well enough like a book.
the one who knows what my emotions gonna be like after every outcome.
the one who knows everything about me.
the one who scolds or just go "ARGH" or just keep quiet when i pissed her off.

maria.

the one who never fails to entertain me with all her stories.
the one who will just scream across the class.
the one who will drink milo packet with me everyday.
the one with the awesome different accents everytime.

shafa & tiara.

the ones who drool over cute guys.
the ones who actually entertain me with their bimbo moments.
the ones who will go the extra mile just to see me happy.
the ones who know how much i dread seeing "typical mats"

katherine.

the one who'll eat cheese hot dog with me! (:
the one who'll walk home with me.
the one who'll come school late with me and meet me at her bus stop for breakfast.
the one who goes "eh why you like that sia?" when i roll my eyes.

rafe & chuanyi.

the ones who are super smart and will teach me whenever i need help.
the ones who'll motivate me not to give up.
the ones who will either talk to me about band or just say "band sucks" ((:
the ones entertaining me whenever they sit behind me cos of OLL or any teacher we dislike.

joycelyn teo & sueying.

the ones who'll do stupid stuffs with me just to keep ourselves entertain.
the ones who'll sing with me in class.
the ones i'll hang out with after class and eat sushi <3
the ones i can talk for hours either in real life or phonecall.

well, this is super random. i'm just having a bad day with people conversing in foreign terms in front of me. i wasn't that angry to begin with but it's getting ridiculous at some point of time :@

if you miss your friends, i can miss mine too.
if you can abandon me and leave me alone despite knowing the fact that i really hate being alone, i can choose to ignore you forever (i swear, yes i'm that childish)

((:

2010-07-14T15:22:00.001+08:00

hello, i am beginning to hate july every year because of what i am going through.
ok,bye.

2010-07-14T14:29:00.002+08:00

old man : *carrying a trolley of basic stuffs, those huge trolley to carry instruments. he is mute*
mats : *laughing and stared at him*

while i was on my way home yesterday, this happened. instead of those mats helping him, a woman of a different race had to help the old malay man (ok he is not that old,just old) it's not wrong of a different race to help but seeing the same race not helping is such a disgrace. you know what's worse? even the bus driver did not offer a helping hand.

the old man chose not to sit down and offered the sit to the woman. i think disabled people are more courteous and this proves how retarded the world can be.

2010-07-13T11:42:00.002+08:00

"hey babe, sorry that I could not elaborate more on your good points last night. I was very much asleep. Hahah.
So here goes, you are very much a generous girl. You do no mind spending that extra money on your friends. You know when you have gone over the limit and stop. You will always be there for your friends. You know the right words, just to put a smile on our face. You can be very much irritating but yet lovable in the eyes of humans. (contradicting, i know)
The best part about you is, when you are pissed about something/person you go straight to the point thus you dont leave us wondering why the sudden change of behaviour. I suppose there are many more but right now maths is taking my brain cells. Hahaha. Whatever it is, I love you for who you are.
♥♥"

a note from girlfriend in facebook when i was feeling down.

i love shafawati for everything that she has done for me.

2010-07-13T11:42:00.001+08:00

hey babe, sorry that I could not elaborate more on your good points last night. I was very much asleep. Hahah.
So here goes, you are very much a generous girl. You do no mind spending that extra money on your friends. You know when you have gone over the limit and stop. You will always be there for your friends. You know the right words, just to put a smile on our face. You can be very much irritating but yet lovable in the eyes of humans. (contradicting, i know)
The best part about you is, when you are pissed about something/person you go straight to the point thus you dont leave us wondering why the sudden change of behaviour. I suppose there are many more but right now maths is taking my brain cells. Hahaha. Whatever it is, I love you for who you are.
♥♥

i love shafawati for everything that she has done for me.

2010-07-12T13:06:00.001+08:00

i had KFC breakfast early in the morning and was late for class.
i went to causeway point during lunch and had CCC from starbucks and also cinnamon melts from McD.

i had all my cravings fulfilled and i'm still down.

2010-07-09T22:56:00.002+08:00

10 weeks gone.

i am sad because i really like my classmates. they're super friendly and understanding.

what's RP life going to be without elna rin dina and dahdah going down together during first study period and lunch together on the same table?
what's RP life going to be without yiting and dillon accompanying me after school just for band, going out to have random dinner together/hang out together and even study together for the UT?
what's RP life going to be without the rest of my classmates whom are really really warm?

i've got so used being with these people that right now,changing class in 4 weeks will be unbearable.

2010-07-03T21:56:00.001+08:00

staying at home is a bad move especially if you have the initiative to study. there's too many distractions around. tv,bed,food and everything else that can be found either in my room.

2010-07-03T00:34:00.002+08:00

awesome day with shamimi asraf ashraf haikel sabri mdnor and syed.

secrets revealed here and day,reminiscing the past and laugh at our silly behavior,oh there's so much love whenever i am with them. i love them to bits ((:

2010-07-02T14:54:00.000+08:00

N's right. if you let this affect whatever we have, you're just childish.

2010-06-29T22:31:00.002+08:00

no matter how much i tried,you'll still see me as a failure. seriously,just stop all this bullshit. in the first place,i didn't ask you for anything and you really shouldn't be bothered trying to make my life easier. because by making my life easier = me putting in efforts to clear up your mess.

you expect me to be an independent person and do everything myself,i did. but you didn't realised how much i struggled to even put in the information into my useless brain. when it comes to this,you think i can handle this. and when you think everything is done,you just come up to me and ask me what you're supposed to do. now tell me,who's the mother and who's the daughter?

i felt bloody lost when you asked me to go to mendaki all by myself. i felt more lost when they talked to me in foreign terms which i really couldn't understand. you blamed me for not understanding such a simple thing and even shouted that since you're paying for my education i should study damn hard. wasn't i trying my very best to study? why are you even complaining so much in the first place? i don't think this is how the others were treated back then. and you know what's even better? i never asked anything from you. i'm only seventeen(wait,i am not even seventeen,i am sixteen!!) and you're already telling me to pay for my stuffs by myself. yes,learn how to be independent. was that how the others were treated too? i thought guys should learn how to be more independent than girls? where's your common knowledge? it's not that i mind paying my own stuffs but seriously,sometimes i do need to feel a sense of justice.

and now,it's not like i work for the school and know how to school system works. it's not my problem the school told me to come back at the end of the week to collect the form,why are you even screaming and asking me whether the clerk knows their work? i told you to go yourself but your excuse was "you didn't know how to go there" geeee,thanks and now you're putting the blame on me. oh and remember when i was really but you forced me to go to school? i asked you to send me to school and you gave the same reason that you didn't know your way. i don't think that's showing love ):

am i really a failure in your eyes? thank you very much,i realised that when i didn't get to enter the course i wanted by a few points eventhough i worked my ass off. i know,i am such a failure.

2010-06-29T14:14:00.000+08:00

i hope i mean as much to you like how much you mean to me.

2010-06-27T00:06:00.002+08:00

you have no idea how disappointed i am right now. you'll only feel it if you really see the difference in me and experience it yourself. i've never felt so fat in my entire life. f,to those who keep on saying "yes,we heard it before" or "just go on a diet" or "exercise" or anything else.

i don't even know where to start now. i feel like a pig even though i tried cutting down on eating. i feel even worse when i look different in the clothes i love. i feel super huge when i am being myself right now,having a low self-esteem.

yes f,i am fat. no,i am very very fat.

2010-06-21T11:36:00.002+08:00

i don't know how many times people must think so lowly of me. i don't know how many times i must repeat myself that whatever happens,i do know my own limits. in this case,i do know my own limits on how self-centered i can be.

let's just put it this way,i've been sacrificing alot just for work for the past few months. i've been sacrificing alot to the extend that i've lose my friends trust and also maybe my friends itself. is that not enough?

i don't mind if it's postpone tomorrow and you all go without me,the most,i will just feel offended,nothing more. so why do you think i want everything to be revolving around me? yes it's true,it's better to please the manager and not me,i have not doubt about that but the way you phrase it makes it sounds as if i am really not needed now since someone very important to you is leaving. face it,people comes and go.

you don't know how insulted i felt at that point of time. thanks,you just made me hate work.

2010-06-20T20:04:00.002+08:00

i felt like a happy girl when girlfriend took an hour off just to accompany me eat ice-cream and drink starbucks.

when you feel that everyone is walking out on you,i know that i can rely on Nora Azwaj because she's willing to do anything just for me. thanks girl (:

2010-06-19T00:27:00.002+08:00

when i was in my primary school,i asked my friend to wait for me at bedok interchange so that we could go school together. from primary six,i started taking cab home from bedok because i felt insecure and scared at the same time about being alone.

when i was in secondary school,i made my friends wait for me at the concourse early in the morning so we could walk together to the quadrangle as soon as i get out of the car. i also made them walk home with me whenever i feel like walking home or also walk with me to the bus stop.

at work,whenever manager ask me to go to the bank/buy food/anything else,i will whine and whine and they finally understood me.

right now,since RP is far from the interchange,it seems difficult for me because of the distance. and if i am asked to walk alone,i will cab down to school instead.

the only time i ever enjoyed walking home alone is when i walked home at night from tuition from paya lebar to ubi. that's the only time i had to calm my mind down before O's.

my point is,i don't walk anywhere alone. i don't even like walking from my house to the bus stop alone. it's just me,i have the insecure feeling. people told me i should be able to get used to it,yes,perhaps maybe,in the future,but definitely not now ):

i am sorry if i can pissed people off with these but sometimes,i do know my limits.

2010-06-13T22:24:00.003+08:00

there's clearly only one reason why i always say no to the bestfriend. it's because she knows me too well and also she's honest about stuffs.

she said "mai,it's time for you to exercise,your stomach is growing"
and the warmest hug i ever received after quite some time.

geeeee,i love you (:

2010-06-12T23:42:00.002+08:00

just because on one incident which proves you're a coward,you treat me like shit. if you not happy,come to me slap my face la ok. i cannot take the sarcasms and also the nagging already

you don't nag whenever his wardrobe is in a mess eventhough you ALWAYS fold his clothes for him. you don't nag at him for working and you don't think that he's prioritizing his work more than his school last time when he clearly is. i know the limits to everything. i have a brain to think of all the consequences that my actions will lead to. oh yes,you even pamper him so much more than the others. the outcome? YOU'VE SEEN IT. he's worse than us. you're just trying to control me more afraid that i will turn up like him. but it's been five bloody years,i've not even been close to a quarter of him. excluding my wish to have freedom of course. and thank you for giving me that freedom. but yes my point is,i don't smoke. and i definitely won't drink or go clubbing!!

it's been so long since i vent my anger about you on this site and i really don't wish to due to the silent readers which will complain to you. but f,i don't give a damn now. my patience is running out,in fact i am not a patient person. so stop all these right now please or i'll definitely be just like him.

2010-06-10T21:01:00.003+08:00

(i actually type down what happened throughout the past week here but then i backspace it off because it is totally irrelevant)

maan is leaving singapore soon and i am sad ):

2010-06-07T00:48:00.002+08:00

tell me who they are,tell me who's the one who i can turn to whenever i need someone. because right now,there seems to be no one right here with me. if it's me pushing them away,it's because of one reason. one simple and obvious reason. need you ask for more explanation?

2010-05-28T23:30:00.011+08:00

D YT and I watched Shrek to celebrate YT's advance birthday at yishun.

since we had no plans after the movie,met nora to have our weekly meet-up session.

ate at 18chefs with nora kak farina and min.
but i was the only one eating since the rest was so full.
but guess what? i was damn happy because the hot waiter was working! (:

had work today. initially i was suppose to work till 5pm but since dardar wanted to go out with her boyfriend,i had to cover her till 7pm. but then it's not the end,since maan was sick,i had to cover for her till closing.

so yes,since i've been working full shifts during public holidays. double pay pleaseeee!

2010-05-25T21:13:00.002+08:00

i don't like it when you only come to me when you need help.
i don't like it when even if we're so close to each other,i don't feel your presence.
i don't like it when i have to roll my eyes just to attract your attention and signal to you i am pissed.
i don't like it when you do that to me ):
and most importantly,i don't like cold answers with lotsa ......

tyvm,i do not wish to talk to you right now.

2010-05-24T22:46:00.005+08:00

we changed maths team today ):

and this is the second time i got super pissed during a presentation. to make things worse,i screw up my maths UT. plus,faci had high hopes in our team. oh boy,like what D said,if only UT is a group work,confirm we win already (:

after school,was suppose to meet fidah but canceled so went to civics with D and YT and hang out at the McD. train-ed home to AMK with YT and had a gossip session with her till she's high.

and i love YT for being super awesome everyday during school day! (v)

2010-05-23T22:22:00.005+08:00

studied Maths with Dillon and Yi Ting at Limbang mall.

Yew Tee-ed to have our dinner and had a difficult time choosing on what to eat because D claims he don't know what's Halal. initially i wanted to eat KFC but there's a theory saying that it's so unglam eating KFC infront of a guy,but in the end,we ate at KFC and yes thank you D for noticing how awesomely i eat (:

oh we had this talk about chinese getting together with malays and D was being such a racist. HEH HEH (V)

2010-05-22T23:48:00.002+08:00

i had an awesome day with some of the BKs today as we celebrated kak farina's belated birthday. lied kak farina to accompany me go for a job interview at bugis and ended up going Iluma to watch "The Last Song" with shirah and farhana.

chilled at esplanade while waiting for fifi,daus and dynn. managed to surprise her with the movie,the appearance of some of the BK guys and also the cake.

it ended off by playing "truth or dare" among us.

oh and they conclude i fall for either gays or chinese guys :D

2010-05-21T23:11:00.002+08:00

today module is science and this is what the class came up with,the homebase theory.
i guess the whole class was too tired from thinking about polar and non polar and thus,this is what you get in W45J! apart from this,we ordered McD for breakfast and lunch.

i (v) my class (:

2010-05-18T00:38:00.002+08:00

i am loving school because i have such awesome classmates (:

tomorrow is a funeral day for the class,the theme is black. hurhur.

2010-05-12T23:35:00.002+08:00

the world is getting violent these days.
like i saw a lot of videos either male/female abusing the other sex or the same sex. like seriously?

2010-05-10T20:29:00.003+08:00

monday blues. who doesn't experience them right?
well,my class definitely experience those blues today but for my group we manage to get rid of those blue within the first half-an-hour because once we got started on the problem statement,we go crazy over the questions (because it seems to be repeating itself in a more complex manner)

i love my awesome group for maths/monday. hopefully,we don't change group but faci said himself we'll be changing every four weeks(i think?) that means next week change group uh? die die. i want to be in the same group as all four of them.

oh and my group definitely experience some nerve-wrecking moments today. everyone got pretty pissed that it suddenly became so funny (:

2010-05-08T23:08:00.007+08:00

i had a good talk with nora yesterday when i met her.

it's more to why eventhough we find quite a number of guys who looks cute/hot/good to look at we're still not interested in them. yes we do go "ah,omg that guy so cute!" or "i so got to have him" kinda act or even "i like him caaaaan" yes that kinda expression but it still doesn't mean we're really interested in them.

nora and i am just sick and tired of guys due to the previous one whom we really fall deeply for. eventhough a guy is so overly obsessed with her right now(trust me,he has what every girl wants for in a boyfriend),she's still having the mind sight that all guys are the same.

i have that kinda mind sight too. not only cos of D but also because of some guys who are pretty close/very close to me. looking at them really irks me. and looking at all the other girls really makes me think of the same question over a million times.

it's just so.... predictable.

(trust me,i have no clue why i am blogging about this)

went down to limbang mall to study with yiting and dillon.

our initial plan was to study maths and science. but the science practice question killed us. we had three weeks of practice questions to do and we're still not done with the third week because we do not know how to do.

we're even stucked with one of the question for an hour. and when dillon asked his friend on how to do the question,she simply solve the question within ten minutes. FML.

we're meeting up again tomorrow either going to shaw tower/golden mile mall to continue studying our maths and science.

i think i am more worried for the other three modules(organizational behaviour,problem solving and cognitive process) more than maths and science :/

oh this sucks,now who says RP life ain't stressful? tsk!

PS : dillon's right. maybe i should date chinese guys. HAHAHA!

2010-05-08T01:07:00.001+08:00

i am meeting dillon and yiting later to study at CCK McD which is situated under dillon's house. we spent an hour thinking on where to study. HAHHHH is singapore that small? tsktsk.

PS : i had another awesome day. thank you shafa for the morning and nora for the evening.

2010-05-07T14:57:00.002+08:00

(i'm blogging in class right now because i'm learning bonding)

awesome day with shafa nora kak farina and fifi. kak farina brought her guy friend along yesterday and he is cuteeeeeeeee but i found out he's gay ):

practice was awesome. we're like having an official bimbo day during practice yesterday. dynn ran into the car backseat from the driver seat because there was a dog.

thanks to all these,i miss them sooooooooo much.

(forgive me,i lost the touch of blogging)

i'm currently having science now. my group is super hyper today,so is the class. i like. you like?

school's benn awesome since first day(minus off the loneliness part) but classmates are awesomeeeeeeexsxsdxkxcnc. why do people hate RP so much?

okay this is damn random,i shall go now.

2010-04-28T13:14:00.001+08:00

i must get better by tomorrow (:

PS : i'm soooooooooo hungry :/

2010-04-25T20:24:00.002+08:00

i made a fool out of myself during mads today.

ate swensen with cousin,brother & his friend. thanks kakak for the treat!~

oh kakak & abang said i'm always PMSy these days. okaaaaay,i beg to differ. i think i'm usually happy these days it's just that i don't post a status everytime i'm happy unless it involves K. oh but i'm always irritated by the same person over and over again. tsktsk.

2010-04-23T20:38:00.003+08:00

if you don't like others doing that to you. in the first place,you shouldn't do that to others.

2010-04-21T12:43:00.001+08:00

a dream which involves a mystery person which i clearly remember when i was dreaming but when i woke up,all i could remember was what he said to me :(

2010-04-20T21:11:00.002+08:00

Mum : have you eaten?
Mai : yesss....
Mum : okaaaay * looks at me* can you loose a little bit weight?

okaaaay mum,thanks. i know i gain like a gazillion tons of weight for the past god knows how many months. and it's not working now because i keep on eating and eating like nobody business (eventhough RP food sucks!!!!)

*huge sighs*

i feel like fattest kid on earth already :(

& did i mention i didn't see K in school? that's damn sad laaaaa!

PS : A for Maths! B for Science & Communication. HOORAAAAH!

2010-04-19T23:24:00.002+08:00

dear mum,i ate black pepper rice in school which tasted like it's expired(i waited half an hour for it mind you!),oreo(because i was so hungry),cinnamon melts(it's calling out my name when i was at McD),nuggets student meal(the person beside me bought it and i felt like eating it),chocolates from marks and spencer and some other dishes from ramen ten.

obviously,i don't want to eat anymore,i'm too full now. but some B&J would be nice (:

2010-04-16T21:52:00.002+08:00

second day of school : science - blood

it's like we're taking a nursing course/biology.

i was rather stress at first because i really didn't understand what the facilitator was trying to convey. he just gave us instructions to do the worksheet that was prepared for us. we figured that we had to play the game to understand the topic. and guess what? the game didn't help me at all. i got pretty angry with myself for being so dumb. the others seems so smart :(

guess what i did? yes you guessed it alright. i literally cried. well,i teared at first. but cried in the end. wanted to run out but i wasn't daring enough so i stayed on. group members saw and i'm really thankful that they're awesome enough to understand me.

alright,just so you know i don't work well in a noisy environment and i also do things at my own pace especially if the things are new. so i got rather pissed that the facilitator was rushing us.

at the end of the day,managed to understand it better thanks to help of group members.

PS : we change team every module.

2010-04-15T22:57:00.002+08:00

first day of school : communication

my group & i were struggling to figure out what the faci's was talking about. in the end,we didn't do that well. but the group quite awesome for now,i think (:

oh bumped into afi at the agora!! :D

2010-04-13T00:24:00.002+08:00

eventhough i did not enjoy camp as much as any campers must,i must still say i did enjoy myself after lunch. everyone hype-d up after eating their lunch and off we went. and as much as i want to skip the camp badly,i decided not to. because i chose this path few months back and skipping it will just make me feel like a sore loser who can't face to reality.

so it's only me & maria then. let's KAGA our way through~

2010-04-10T01:09:00.013+08:00

Speech Day may suck but the people around me rocks (:

PS : orientation this monday lehs~

2010-04-06T00:21:00.003+08:00

bubble out on the girls(aini hanna & melia) for shopping plans just now because i was having cramps everywhere. tsktsk. sorry girls,next time after my pay ok(:

speech day is tomorrow and i don't know what's formal to them. i doubt i have something formal too. i hate whenever i have to think on what to wear. tsktsk.

jogging at the stadium with maria tomorrow <3

PS : mum's going to lend me money to do some shopping tomorrow after speech day. and i'm so heading down to F21 @ 313 with dardar(hopefully ain join us!)

2010-04-05T01:24:00.003+08:00

oh come on,it can't possibly be me all the time right? :(

work with maan was awesome just now. mop and swept the whole coffee bean just now while having fun. oh and i did something super daring few days back which made dardar super happy. what is it? get a customer number. HAAAAAH,awesome aye? and now she's too busy entertaining him. HAAAAAAAAH~

alright,$8 left in my ATM card :(

i still want a denim skirt jeans,a light blue jeans,a denim jacket,a beg & lotsa tops~!

2010-04-04T00:38:00.002+08:00

Bunayya Appreciation was held at Dairy Farm.

did rock-climbing and abseiling. but obviously i didn't do it. not because i didn't want (Ok,partly was cos of that) but because there was not much time and there's too many people. after that,headed to a mosque(forget the name) and had presentation.

rushed off to work at LPK and reached home at 2.

worked today at PWP and tomorrow,full shift. meaning i'm skipping mads and will not be able to see cinaaaaaa :(

PS : managers kept on emphasizing how much weight i've gain :(

2010-04-02T01:40:00.002+08:00

i'm serious,damn serious.

i don't feel like going for Appreciation Day later. should have just accepted the work schedule i was given. and should have told mum earlier on that i didn't want to go.

ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHH~

2010-04-01T23:56:00.002+08:00

Nodame Cantabille & How To Train Your Dragon @ PS with Nora Azwaj.
Whip Out @ The Cathay with Waheedah.

& guess what happened when i'm in the movies with dardar? my slipper koyak when i tried pulling it out from the chair(i selit my feet between two chairs you see) dardar had to run from Cathay to PS just to buy me the sandals i saw there. and guess what? size 6 is too big for me and it can't be exchanged :(

PS : i am not looking forward to appreciation day tomorrow. apart from getting to meet K tomorrow,nothing else excites me. hurhur.

2010-03-31T22:17:00.002+08:00

full shift on monday & tuesday.
off on wednesday thursday & firday :(

full shift on two days cause me to have three off days? waaaaah,mendak per. ok not their fault,i asked for off on wednesday thinking i'm going out with the girls today and on friday thinking religious class event is whole day but i was cheated. gaaaaaaaaarh.

oh and finally ain & dardar is back from bangkok. thanks for the lovely gifts girls <3

2010-03-28T01:21:00.003+08:00

ceasar salad with chicken has no chicken just now because the chicken ran away.
spicy tuna pasta has tuna in it just now because i caught the tuna fresh from the supermarket in the tin.

omg,the customers were killing me just now.

2010-03-27T02:10:00.002+08:00

Remember Me & The Lovely Bones at Bugis with Nora Azwaj.
&
When In rome at Kallang Leisure Park with Aini,Hanna,Melia & Shirin.

alright,thanks for the day girls.

and hanna,happy 17th(:

2010-03-24T05:14:00.002+08:00

downloading the application made my life easier. managed to watch continuation of down with love and currently taking a break from it. it so reminds me of coffee prince.

anyway,i should really hit the sack now cos i'll be working later at Singapore Post. wonder how it'll be like there,confirm boring to the max.

alright good night people!

2010-03-23T03:27:00.002+08:00

*yawns*

eunos by 10 tomorrow to accompany maria to RP to get her laptop. roaming around the school after that to explore to kill time with maria before heading to work. oh boy,just when i wanted to take a week off,i can't because it's the holiday season and people are going overseas. even next week too. can i stop working now(eventhough i really enjoy it) but i really need time to rest now. i'm super shagged from everything that's happening (not including sleeping at 3 or 4 in the morning)

oh yes,any idea where to watch down with love with subtitles? i've been missing that show every saturday night!

PS : thanks girls for the day(:

2010-03-22T00:37:00.000+08:00

hello,i hate boys.

hahahahahaha,super random i swear.

2010-03-19T20:55:00.006+08:00

last weekend,i had religious class camp which was situated at (some masjid @ Sembawang) and i was tasked to be a Facilitator. upon reaching i was so not in the mood to do anything fun because era(a group member of mine) cannot attend the camp due to her school's camp. so instead of 3 in a group,there's only 2. yes,that's right. only amira & me took care of those 9 kids.

yes i bet all of you might think "mai taking care of kids? omg!" yes you all win because i clearly lost all my patience towards them. you know how much i hate people reacting so slow towards everything and also running around when people are not in the best mood(especially when it's damn hot or when there's a car coming to your way) and i bet all 9 of them hated me to the core especially when i start giving them instructions on how to behave properly. of course slowly i had to mend my attitude and i did just fine with the kids. all you had to do was to pamper them.

i had trouble with those kids when it's sleeping time. the whole lot of them were making noise in the tent. complaining it's damn hot and etc. to conclude it all,at that point of time i didn't want any kids *laughs* but i had fun during the camp. thanks ana for your help! :D